Practicum is coming to an end...

This week has been one of deep contemplation and reflection, more so than usual.  Today one of the student teachers is leaving the school early to teach in Columbia for her alternative practicum.  She was teaching my old grade five class this teaching block.  She did some wonderful art projects with them throughout the month and the students seem to really connect with her.  Today as a goodbye present, they presented a class card to her and the associate teacher even gave her a small gift and a card from him.  She was so surprised that she cried a bit too.  I was really happy that the associate teacher took the time to organize that and appreciate her work but it also hurt me a little that the same courtesy wasn't extended to me at the end of my teaching block.

I don't want a present, but the fact that she received such a huge acknowledgment from the students and the teacher makes me wonder why that didn't happen to me.  Is that selfish?? Probably but that's what my mind tends to do...make everything a comparison between me and this student teacher's experience in the same classroom.  My current associate teacher is a forgetful guy who means well but I doubt there will be any special farewell.  I'm okay with that, but I don't even know if I've impacted my current class as much as the past two student teachers. 

I guess I'm a little sad that I haven't felt like we've bonded as a class.  Student teaching a split grade has forced me to teach less hours in a day but double the planning effort to do both grades.  I think it's the main reason why I haven't had a chance to really grow with the class.  My associate teacher has also made some suggestions during my lessons which make me feel like I'm student teaching for the first time.  Reminders to wait to get their full attention and check up on my lower end students are frustrating.  I feel like I'm making basic rooky mistakes too far into the game.  I guess the stress of unit planning, regular lesson planning and teaching to the occasional FACE have taken its toll.  

Physically it's definitely been hard.  I've been sick since Thursday.  Yesterday I had to go home because I could barely speak and my throat was on fire.  I've gone to the doctor and I'm on some very strong cough medicine to help my throat and the coughing fits but that day lost has made me behind.  When I showed up to school today my associate was more concerned about me completing the assessments for tomorrow so he can do report cards than my bill of health.  But my body is weak and I don't think I can catch up all in one night...I don't know what I'm going to tell him tomorrow but I'm hoping I get some understanding for my unexpected illness.

Speaking of which, I think I should go to bed.  Right now I sound like a frog and staying up late won't help...