I think I've floated to the deep end...

Once when I was little my family and I went to a provincial water park with a fantastic wave pool.  I was small but I knew how to swim and I was just planning to float on the water tube and relax.  Well eventually I found myself in the deep end and suddenly the waves were a lot bigger and rougher than what I had seen from the shallow end.  The waves eventually flipped over the tube and I was left to scramble to the edges of the pool and cry for help to get me out of there.  Right now I feel like I've arrived at the deep end and I did not anticipate it being quite this intense.  I'm dealing with a lot of big waves including assignments, forming my portfolio and philosophy in time for job applications in January. 

Early on in practicum I realized that I do indeed have a very definite style and philosophy of teaching.  The trouble lies in making those instinctual feelings and reactions something tangible...specifically words on paper.  I'm looking down at my paper and right now my philosophy seems more like a stream of random sentences and afterthoughts than something connected and flowing.  I don't even know if this is really expressing what I feel when I'm teaching and observing others teach. 

By the end of December I should be ready to hand in my portfolio and job hunt like my life depended on it (well really it does so I guess that part won't be too hard).  In the mean time we have a gazillion things to worry about: assignments, ongoing projects, group work, online work, online quizzes, in class quizzes, weekly readings, book reports, essays, media projects, workshops, practicum 2 preparation and on top of that resume prep and portfolio development (and even more work if I plan on applying to a Catholic board).  And somehow I must maintain sanity and hang on to my passion and teaching ideals. 

I never expected it to be easy but I didn't expect it to be so hard on such different levels.  

*Sigh* I guess that's enough complaining for one night.  Back to work!